Most people think they know what it's<br>like to struggle in a sport. You miss a<br>shot in basketball, but so what? You<br>just missed. Or you strike out in<br>baseball. A bit embarrassing, but you<br>just go sit down on the bench until it's<br>your turn again. But when you miss in<br>jiu-jitsu, you get crushed, physically<br>dominated by another human being.<br>Sometimes half your size, sometimes<br>twice your size. Your ego gets bruised<br>along with your ribs. It tests your mind<br>and your dignity and you feel like<br>you're drowning in failure every single<br>week. And that's why jiu-jitsu feels<br>impossible in the beginning. And why so<br>many people quit before they ever see<br>what's waiting for them on the other<br>side. And that's what we're talking<br>about today. Why jiu-jitsu feels so much<br>harder than other sports and why that<br>struggle is the entire point. Welcome to<br>the alchemy of struggle, baby.<br>In jiu-jitsu, losing isn't abstract.<br>It's very real, very physical.<br>Someone is on top of you, crushing you<br>with their chest, bending your arm to<br>the point where you have no choice but<br>to tap. someone smaller than you<br>controlling you like a child. That<br>visceral feedback goes a lot deeper than<br>just embarrassment.<br>It hits your survival wiring. Your<br>nervous system doesn't care that it's<br>just training. It reacts as if you are<br>in real danger. And then there's the<br>close contact. Grappling forces extreme<br>closeness that most adults never<br>experience.<br>Strangers chest to chest. breathing and<br>sweating in each other's faces. And for<br>much smaller people, it can feel even<br>more overwhelming. And for women, it<br>often brings awkwardness and a lot of<br>misunderstanding.<br>Even outside the gym, things are a<br>little bit weird, having to convince<br>co-workers that everything's okay at<br>home, despite all the bruising on your<br>arms. I remember hearing this story once<br>of a couple who trains jiu-jitsu<br>together. They were at a store standing<br>in line and the people kept glaring at<br>the guy like they had daggers in their<br>eyes because her arms were covered in<br>bruises from jiu-jitsu. And she even had<br>a small shiner under one of her eyes.<br>And it's pretty obvious what they were<br>thinking. Here's a guy who beats up his<br>girlfriend. And it's not like they could<br>pull everyone aside and explain to them,<br>"No, these are just bruises from<br>jiu-jitsu." And then there's that<br>endless phase of sucking in jiu-jitsu<br>because progress in jiu-jitsu is so<br>difficult to measure. You can show up<br>three or four times a week for several<br>months and still feel like you're<br>drowning. Submissions fail, escapes<br>don't work, and you're constantly gassed<br>out. And here's the real kicker. This is<br>when you know the universe has a sense<br>of humor. As you get better, so do your<br>training partners, which makes your<br>improvement feel even more invisible.<br>And so it's easy to believe I just suck<br>at this. And that invisible progress is<br>why so many people quit before the<br>breakthrough. And for those in their 40s<br>and their 50, this is all amplified<br>because recovery is much slower, joints<br>ache much longer, and the gas tank is<br>much smaller.<br>And even the ego sting is a lot sharper.<br>Because in your daily life outside of<br>jiu-jitsu, you're used to being<br>competent. A lawyer who fights for his<br>clients, a nurse or a doctor who saves<br>lives, a programmer who is so gifted<br>with code that he makes computer<br>hardware dance, or a construction worker<br>responsible for the safe structures that<br>many of us take for granted. And then<br>you show up to jiu-jitsu and some skinny<br>little white belt twists you into a<br>pretzel without breaking a sweat. But<br>here's the key. That difficulty isn't<br>just punishment. It's shaping you in<br>ways you won't see unless you stick<br>around long enough. One of the beauties<br>of jiu-jitsu is that it strips away<br>illusions. You can't fake toughness when<br>someone's smashing you. You can't hide<br>behind talk or ego. It's humility in<br>motion. And that repeated exposure to<br>failure is what refineses you, forces<br>you to develop real composure under<br>fire. Every time you get tapped, it's a<br>reminder that you're not untouchable.<br>And that type of humility is rare in<br>adult life, where most of us avoid<br>situations that would make us look bad.<br>But jiu-jitsu doesn't let you hide. It<br>makes humility a constant training<br>partner. Just when I start to think a<br>little bit too highly of myself, someone<br>shows up and puts my ass in check. And<br>there have been many times I've been<br>sitting on the sidelines, thinking to<br>myself, "You still got a lot of work to<br>do, buddy. Where else in life can you<br>have a conversation more honest than the<br>ones that you have on those jiu-jitsu<br>mats every single week?" And for older<br>grapplers especially, the very thing<br>that makes jiu-jitsu harder also makes<br>it more valuable. Slower recovery forces<br>you to train smarter. Nagging injuries<br>lead to increased efficiency. And<br>limited athleticism forces you to focus<br>on technique. It's brutal, but it's also<br>a filter. And if you stick to it, you<br>come out sharper, more resilient, and<br>more precise. And over time, you learn<br>to handle that pressure and the anxiety.<br>And that shift follows you off the mats.<br>Whether at work or at home, you learn to<br>stop panicking in tense situations<br>because you've trained yourself not to.<br>So, yes, jiu-jitsu is brutally hard, but<br>hard is what forges the change. The real<br>question becomes, how do you survive the<br>storm long enough to see the payoff?<br>Well, the first thing you have to do is<br>to shrink the battlefield. Stop trying<br>to win at jiu-jitsu, especially in the<br>early days. Instead of thinking, "I need<br>to tap less." Start thinking to<br>yourself, "I need to get comfortable<br>being uncomfortable."<br>There's a seduction to telling yourself<br>to tap less. It has the illusion of<br>progress and can trick you into thinking<br>defense equals winning. But the real<br>progress is learning to lose with<br>composure. And progress is about micro<br>measurements, so small that only you can<br>see them. Next, you need to learn to<br>redefine success early on. Grade<br>yourself on attempts, on clarity, on<br>calmness under pressure. For example, I<br>got arm barred, but I stayed calm, and I<br>saw it coming sooner. I got my ass<br>kicked, but even the best guys get their<br>asses kicked. And I'm beginning to<br>understand that it's just part of the<br>process. The next thing is to anchor to<br>identity, not outcome. You're not just<br>trying jiu-jitsu. You're a grappler now.<br>and grapplers get smashed. Learn from<br>the experience and keep showing up. And<br>you need to accept the fact that you'll<br>never catch that 20-year-old blue belt.<br>Not in recovery speed, not in<br>explosiveness, and not in free time. But<br>you can surpass them in craft, patience,<br>and resilience. When I encounter a<br>young, aggressive blue belt, I frustrate<br>them with defense, surprise them with a<br>sweep, and then finish it. Not because<br>I'm superior or special, but because<br>years of patience and timing lets me see<br>openings that they miss. So remember<br>that you don't have to survive jiu-jitsu<br>by musling through it or by pretending<br>that it's easy. It isn't. You survive by<br>shrinking the battlefield, redefining<br>success, and anchoring to who you are<br>becoming. Because struggle isn't a<br>detour in jiu-jitsu. The struggle is<br>jiu-jitsu. Now, I know someone is<br>watching this saying, "This just sounds<br>like a fancy way of telling someone to<br>be a good loser. Why keep showing up if<br>you just keep getting beat down?" And<br>I'm not going to pretend that winning<br>doesn't matter. It does, but only after<br>you've learned how to actually use<br>jiujitsu to win. If you only chase wins,<br>you'll never enter those uncomfortable<br>positions where real growth happens. You<br>don't want to be the guy who wins all<br>the time in the gym, but never stretches<br>themselves. They eventually just<br>plateau, look good for a season, but<br>then 5 years later, they're doing the<br>same old stuff. Now, I know someone else<br>is saying, "Look, I'm much older and I<br>don't have 10 years to struggle through<br>it. Why not focus on what actually gets<br>me wins right now?" But that's exactly<br>why you can't skip the struggle. At 40<br>or 50 plus, you will never outathlete<br>the 20-year-olds. Trying to shortcut<br>your way to winning by musling through<br>things or explosiveness is what breaks<br>bodies. What does scale with age? Craft,<br>timing, pressure, efficiency.<br>These only come from deliberately<br>spending time in the suck. So, if you<br>embrace the long game approach now,<br>you'll still be rolling at 60, 65, 70<br>years old. But if you shortcut it for<br>quick wins, you'll end up retired, not<br>promoted. And if you can endure being<br>humbled, bruised, and dominated long<br>enough, that's when things finally open<br>up and you grow into a true martial<br>artist. And if you haven't seen it<br>already, check out the video on this<br>channel that discusses why habits are<br>more important than discipline. It'll be<br>linked at the end of this video. And if<br>any of this hit home, check out some of<br>the free stuff in the description. Or if<br>you want to go deeper, join the channel<br>membership. You get early access to new<br>videos, a monthly digest with key<br>takeaways from that month's content, and<br>an opportunity to go deeper as we build<br>this community of older grapplers. And<br>as always, I want to thank the members,<br>the subscribers, and the commenters for<br>helping me level up this content. But<br>remember, there are others who need this<br>message, and they're probably in your<br>own gems. So, let's help them find it.<br>Like, share, and subscribe. Keep up the<br>good fight, and stay safe on those mats.<br>Peace.